[Part of him wouldn't be surprised, but he also wouldn't be here if he really believed Rey would be completely against what he was asking. But, in the end, he doesn't know her stance on this, and if she wants to throw him out - well. He knows where the door is.
He sets the food down on the nearest surface, then somehow manages to fold himself into a chair while still looking a little antsy. Still, he might as well get to the point.] I'm not... happy with the way things are being run around here. I haven't been for a long time. It's why I didn't graduate T'Pol in return for a deal, and it's why I don't have a deal now.
I don't begrudge people deals, [he adds,] but the Admiral sends people home on whims. He offers them a chance at redemption, and takes it away. He offers them deals he doesn't even need to grant. He - he isn't the guy I want to work for. I don't think he's the kind of guy any of us should be working for. We should be working for our inmates. We should have the power to do that, without worrying they'll get sent home. Without the possibility of leaving them in the lurch.
[Now he glances at Rey.] Your inmate, he used to - he was sweet on my best friend's inmate. She was sent home - to die, no rhyme or reason. It's not right. She never got the chance to graduate.
I guess what I'm asking is... why are you here? Are you here because you believe in the Admiral, or because you believe in Alfie? Or because you believe in something else entirely?
[She sits as well, and while he speaks she starts to peel one of the oranges. There are moments when he shocks her and her head comes up in surprise when she forgets the fruit, but he keeps speaking and so she lets him, stays quiet, peels her orange and just hears him out.
What he says isn't really new to her, it's all something she's heard, thought herself in some cases.
Nothing will ever take away the memory of Alfie calling for her in a panic after Harry had been removed from the ship, the way he had begged her to do something, anything, to get him home. A man like Alfie, having that kind of moment, is something she'll never forsake. She made the promise to him months ago that she'd do whatever it took to get him home, so by the time Steve finishes she's sure they're on the same page, that they want the same things, and that she's probably going to stand beside him whenever he does... whatever he ends up doing.
But all the same, nothing is ever that easy.]
My deal is to bring Han back to life and I've seen inmates graduate, I know this place works for some. [But that's the key. It works, but not for everyone.] When I first came here I didn't care about making friends or any of that, I was in it for my deal and nothing else. That's all I knew, then.
It's not the same now. Now, I just want to get Alfie home. He shouldn't be here, and you're right, Helena being sent away, Harry being sent away, those things have destroyed his belief in this being a place that would ever work for him. He's miserable and I don't think that anyone who doesn't want to stay on the ship should have to.
[Steve actually - well, he doesn't laugh, but he maybe lets out a quiet huff that's almost a laugh.] When I first came here, I thought the best thing I could do was make friends. I guess maybe that was pretty naive, but I - it never sat right, letting the Admiral solve my problems. But then I saw him take advantage of my best friend, and -
[The Admiral had let Bucky make a deal, not to die. The Admiral had no need to keep that deal. Bucky wasn't dead, and Steve hadn't been able to tell him.] He's failed so many people. I've seen him do great things. I know he fixed Furiosa's whole world. I know he can bring people back to life. But - I can't trust him to always do those great things. I can't trust him to make this Barge the place it should be, to help Alfie, or Tommy, or Lark, or even Han.
[He's always believed that redemption is something these people deserve, something they've technically earned before they even start. But - you can't make someone want redemption. They have to want it for themselves. He doesn't want to just send people home. But he doesn't know that he wants them under the thumb of this system when it's so broken, either.
Maybe it's a bit of a non sequitur, but he does smile a little, admitting,] I hope Alfie's nicer to you than he was to me. I'm used to being overlooked, but damn if I didn't want to knock his nose in a couple of times. [Still,] I know he's miserable here.
He's always been kind to me. [She smiles at him now, a more real one, to show there's no hard feelings before she says what she's about to.] He smuggled cookies and milk in his pockets and tucked an entire pot of tea under his arm when he came to see me after he heard about what happened to Bull.
[There's always been support there, on both sides, as unlikely as it might seem from the outside, for people who only know one side of Alfie.
For the people who only know one side of her, as well.]
And I'm sorry about you friend, Steve. That's a horrible thing to do to someone that came here trusting they would be taken care of.
[Steve does quirk a smile at that, albeit small.] Alfie's a complicated man. I can't pretend to understand him well. Sometimes, he reminds me of some guys I really, really didn't like. But he has a capacity for kindness that they never did - and that's why I believe he's here.
[He believes Alfie can absolutely graduate, and honestly that it would do him good, but the system he's in right now is not the right one.
Steve ends up shaking his head a little, shrugging a little, too.] We never expected people to just give us things. But he - he trusted the Admiral to give him something that the bastard never had to give him in the first place. [And Steve hadn't been able to bring himself to say anything to the contrary, and it still makes him feel sick, thinking about lying to Bucky for... what, a year?] I hated it then. I still hate it now. And I've seen things like that happen so many more times, I can't - I can't stand by and let it keep happening, Rey. I can't. That's as good as saying it's okay.
[Again she just listens, and she agrees, and she can see in him that this isn't just someone venting, saying they can't stand a thing to go on happening when they don't have any intention of trying to fix it for themselves.
She leans forward, resting her arms on the table as she looks right at him and tosses subtlety right out the window.]
[This is a big part of the reason he's coming to Rey in the first place - she's smart, she's fast on the uptake, and she doesn't mince words.]
I'm honestly not entirely sure. Random destruction is stupid and dangerous and won't get anyone anywhere. Frankly, I want to get to the Admiral - I want to find out who he is, what he is, and how to get him out of power. Lark thinks that might mean finding the bridge of the ship. There is one - he's seen it before. That's - maybe where you come in. The Barge is still a ship, and I'm an Army grunt, [he says, with a small smile - and goes on before the reference can confuse her.] Technical expertise is not my forte. I'm pretty sure it's yours.
But I'm asking for your help. I'm not demanding it. And I don't know what the consequences might be, but I can imagine there'll be some. I'm willing to pay that price. If you're not, I won't think less of you. I won't force you to do anything you don't believe in.
I believe in Alfie. I've- he asked me to find a way to get him out. I told him I would and I'm not going back on my word.
[So there it is, her agreement, she's in. She takes a moment to think now, bringing her hand up to her mouth so she can chew on her thumbnail while she thinks.]
If there's a bridge somewhere and Lark has seen it, there must be a way to access it from other parts of the ship that aren't immediately obvious to people who aren't looking for it. Did Lark tell you how he got there in the first place?
[Steve does smile at that, because,] That's why I'm here. That's what I promised Lark.
[Lark didn't ask, but Steve promised all the same. It's the same promise he made to T'Pol. It's the promise he tried to make to Mindy, before she disappeared.]
That's what I'm thinking - but no, he doesn't know how to find it. He was following someone else, and it was a long time ago - a previous visit to the Barge. Sometimes when you go home and come back, your memories get a little fuzzy. [He's experienced that himself.]
But we know it's there. And I definitely know that the Barge probably doesn't look anything like what we expect it to, behind the walls and under the floors. And if I didn't want someone to find me, I'd make damn sure it wasn't obvious how to get where they needed to go.
[She makes that correction as delicately as she can, but it's the entire goal of this plot of his and it's something they need to be more sure of.]
Who did he follow? Can he describe what he saw, or draw a picture of it? Having a plan to get there won't do much for us if we don't know what there is.
[Frankly, the bridge is only one option. It just seems like the most viable one at the moment, and Lark's already been following up on it. It doesn't mean Steve won't consider other options.]
He followed Arthas, but he's not here anymore to ask. I'm sure he'd be happy to describe what he can remember, and if he can't draw it, I could, based on what he says.
[He shakes his head.] I know it's a long shot, but the long shots sometimes work. They're the paths that nobody thinks to take. [And he's kind of made a career out of making those long shots work.] I can get back to you with what we know about the bridge. I just needed to see if you were willing to help, first.
I'm sorry this place isn't what it should be. I'm sorry if it's not the place you thought you were coming to. [He says it softly, and he sounds very, very genuinely sorry for it.]
[She's not very good at waiting when there are plans to be made, she's very much the type to get all the threads tied up, clear paths made to follow, but without information there isn't much.]
I can talk to him about it. He may as well know I'm going to be helping.
[How Lark will actually feel about that is up in the air, but she can draw quite well herself and she'd rather hear it directly rather than filtered through more people.]
I do still believe in what this place could be. I know firsthand that there isn't always something better waiting for someone when they leave here. If all I had to return to from here was Jakku, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't want to go back there. For some people, this is as good as their lives have gotten. I don't want to take that away.
And I- there are some things I never would have learned if I hadn't come here. That I like apples, for example. [And she smiles at him, and it's kind and something she learned here.] I never would have learned the things I'm capable of letting myself do, or be, for other people. I wouldn't take back coming here, even after everything all of the bad things that followed the good.
[This is turning into some sort of speech though, and she hates that, so she pulls a segment off of her orange and hands it over to him. For her, sharing food is no small thing, and she knows he's aware of that.]
But for it to mean anything, this can't be a place that makes men like Alfie wish they were dead. There has to be hope or all of it means nothing.
[Steve nods.] Just tell him you talked to me. He'll understand.
[And, speech or no, he lets her speak her piece. Honestly, it just underscores the fact that coming to Rey was the right decision. It hurts, in a way, to think that she has come to feel the way he does. But it also means she's an ally, and it also means she understands exactly what he wants to do. That understanding, and that support, mean a lot to him, because like he told Lark, he'd been planning on doing this alone. The fact that he might not have to... it's a relief he can't deny.]
I don't want to destroy the Barge. I still believe in what it stands for. I want to turn it into the place it should be - the place the inmates were promised when they were brought here. They deserve that. The wardens deserve that. Nobody deserves what this place has become. It's a broken system. I want to fix it. I think we can fix it, because we're strong enough to stand up for what it should mean, and make that a reality.
[He takes the piece of orange with a grateful smile, and nods.] This place should be hope. It shouldn't be a wall that beats people down. I'm glad you feel the same way. Not every warden will. But I think enough of them will. And if they don't... [He glances down, smiles a little, almost to himself.] Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right, that doesn't make it right. That doesn't mean you back down.
[There's something funny about that being his reasoning because not too terribly long ago, that was exactly what she was thinking when Bull tossed Han over the side of the Deck like it meant absolutely nothing.
It wasn't right, and no one seemed to care, and so she had done something. Her methods then had been extreme, and so is this. It's sort of full circle in a way and she supposes that's fitting.]
We'll find the right way to do this. To get the people who want to go home, home.
[It seems to be a recurring theme on the Barge, at the least. With so many people who have their own idea of what's right and wrong, things get... complicated.
Steve's just trying to make them more simple. All he knows is, the Admiral isn't helping them. And he should. If he won't, if he's going to keep actively violating the promises he made to them... he has to be stopped. A better system has to be put into place.]
I don't know what the answer is, but I know it's not the Admiral. It's not a man - or a thing, or whatever he is - making false promises and actively failing to care about the people he makes promises to. I believe there is a right answer, and I think we can find it.
I... guess I have to ask you to keep pretty quiet about this. I probably don't even have to ask you - I trust you. I don't even know if the Admiral will care - he already knows how I feel about him, and he doesn't care about that - but I don't want this coming back to haunt you or anyone else with a deal, not until we have a better solution in place.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2016-11-11 03:11 am (UTC)[Part of him wouldn't be surprised, but he also wouldn't be here if he really believed Rey would be completely against what he was asking. But, in the end, he doesn't know her stance on this, and if she wants to throw him out - well. He knows where the door is.
He sets the food down on the nearest surface, then somehow manages to fold himself into a chair while still looking a little antsy. Still, he might as well get to the point.] I'm not... happy with the way things are being run around here. I haven't been for a long time. It's why I didn't graduate T'Pol in return for a deal, and it's why I don't have a deal now.
I don't begrudge people deals, [he adds,] but the Admiral sends people home on whims. He offers them a chance at redemption, and takes it away. He offers them deals he doesn't even need to grant. He - he isn't the guy I want to work for. I don't think he's the kind of guy any of us should be working for. We should be working for our inmates. We should have the power to do that, without worrying they'll get sent home. Without the possibility of leaving them in the lurch.
[Now he glances at Rey.] Your inmate, he used to - he was sweet on my best friend's inmate. She was sent home - to die, no rhyme or reason. It's not right. She never got the chance to graduate.
I guess what I'm asking is... why are you here? Are you here because you believe in the Admiral, or because you believe in Alfie? Or because you believe in something else entirely?
no subject
Date: 2016-11-11 03:32 am (UTC)What he says isn't really new to her, it's all something she's heard, thought herself in some cases.
Nothing will ever take away the memory of Alfie calling for her in a panic after Harry had been removed from the ship, the way he had begged her to do something, anything, to get him home. A man like Alfie, having that kind of moment, is something she'll never forsake. She made the promise to him months ago that she'd do whatever it took to get him home, so by the time Steve finishes she's sure they're on the same page, that they want the same things, and that she's probably going to stand beside him whenever he does... whatever he ends up doing.
But all the same, nothing is ever that easy.]
My deal is to bring Han back to life and I've seen inmates graduate, I know this place works for some. [But that's the key. It works, but not for everyone.] When I first came here I didn't care about making friends or any of that, I was in it for my deal and nothing else. That's all I knew, then.
It's not the same now. Now, I just want to get Alfie home. He shouldn't be here, and you're right, Helena being sent away, Harry being sent away, those things have destroyed his belief in this being a place that would ever work for him. He's miserable and I don't think that anyone who doesn't want to stay on the ship should have to.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-11 03:42 am (UTC)[The Admiral had let Bucky make a deal, not to die. The Admiral had no need to keep that deal. Bucky wasn't dead, and Steve hadn't been able to tell him.] He's failed so many people. I've seen him do great things. I know he fixed Furiosa's whole world. I know he can bring people back to life. But - I can't trust him to always do those great things. I can't trust him to make this Barge the place it should be, to help Alfie, or Tommy, or Lark, or even Han.
[He's always believed that redemption is something these people deserve, something they've technically earned before they even start. But - you can't make someone want redemption. They have to want it for themselves. He doesn't want to just send people home. But he doesn't know that he wants them under the thumb of this system when it's so broken, either.
Maybe it's a bit of a non sequitur, but he does smile a little, admitting,] I hope Alfie's nicer to you than he was to me. I'm used to being overlooked, but damn if I didn't want to knock his nose in a couple of times. [Still,] I know he's miserable here.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-11 03:56 am (UTC)[There's always been support there, on both sides, as unlikely as it might seem from the outside, for people who only know one side of Alfie.
For the people who only know one side of her, as well.]
And I'm sorry about you friend, Steve. That's a horrible thing to do to someone that came here trusting they would be taken care of.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-14 03:47 pm (UTC)[He believes Alfie can absolutely graduate, and honestly that it would do him good, but the system he's in right now is not the right one.
Steve ends up shaking his head a little, shrugging a little, too.] We never expected people to just give us things. But he - he trusted the Admiral to give him something that the bastard never had to give him in the first place. [And Steve hadn't been able to bring himself to say anything to the contrary, and it still makes him feel sick, thinking about lying to Bucky for... what, a year?] I hated it then. I still hate it now. And I've seen things like that happen so many more times, I can't - I can't stand by and let it keep happening, Rey. I can't. That's as good as saying it's okay.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-14 06:39 pm (UTC)She leans forward, resting her arms on the table as she looks right at him and tosses subtlety right out the window.]
What are you going to do?
no subject
Date: 2016-11-14 07:04 pm (UTC)I'm honestly not entirely sure. Random destruction is stupid and dangerous and won't get anyone anywhere. Frankly, I want to get to the Admiral - I want to find out who he is, what he is, and how to get him out of power. Lark thinks that might mean finding the bridge of the ship. There is one - he's seen it before. That's - maybe where you come in. The Barge is still a ship, and I'm an Army grunt, [he says, with a small smile - and goes on before the reference can confuse her.] Technical expertise is not my forte. I'm pretty sure it's yours.
But I'm asking for your help. I'm not demanding it. And I don't know what the consequences might be, but I can imagine there'll be some. I'm willing to pay that price. If you're not, I won't think less of you. I won't force you to do anything you don't believe in.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-14 07:14 pm (UTC)[So there it is, her agreement, she's in. She takes a moment to think now, bringing her hand up to her mouth so she can chew on her thumbnail while she thinks.]
If there's a bridge somewhere and Lark has seen it, there must be a way to access it from other parts of the ship that aren't immediately obvious to people who aren't looking for it. Did Lark tell you how he got there in the first place?
no subject
Date: 2016-11-14 07:46 pm (UTC)[Lark didn't ask, but Steve promised all the same. It's the same promise he made to T'Pol. It's the promise he tried to make to Mindy, before she disappeared.]
That's what I'm thinking - but no, he doesn't know how to find it. He was following someone else, and it was a long time ago - a previous visit to the Barge. Sometimes when you go home and come back, your memories get a little fuzzy. [He's experienced that himself.]
But we know it's there. And I definitely know that the Barge probably doesn't look anything like what we expect it to, behind the walls and under the floors. And if I didn't want someone to find me, I'd make damn sure it wasn't obvious how to get where they needed to go.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-14 07:54 pm (UTC)You believe it's there, because Lark said it was.
[She makes that correction as delicately as she can, but it's the entire goal of this plot of his and it's something they need to be more sure of.]
Who did he follow? Can he describe what he saw, or draw a picture of it? Having a plan to get there won't do much for us if we don't know what there is.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-14 08:02 pm (UTC)[Frankly, the bridge is only one option. It just seems like the most viable one at the moment, and Lark's already been following up on it. It doesn't mean Steve won't consider other options.]
He followed Arthas, but he's not here anymore to ask. I'm sure he'd be happy to describe what he can remember, and if he can't draw it, I could, based on what he says.
[He shakes his head.] I know it's a long shot, but the long shots sometimes work. They're the paths that nobody thinks to take. [And he's kind of made a career out of making those long shots work.] I can get back to you with what we know about the bridge. I just needed to see if you were willing to help, first.
I'm sorry this place isn't what it should be. I'm sorry if it's not the place you thought you were coming to. [He says it softly, and he sounds very, very genuinely sorry for it.]
no subject
Date: 2016-11-14 09:03 pm (UTC)I can talk to him about it. He may as well know I'm going to be helping.
[How Lark will actually feel about that is up in the air, but she can draw quite well herself and she'd rather hear it directly rather than filtered through more people.]
I do still believe in what this place could be. I know firsthand that there isn't always something better waiting for someone when they leave here. If all I had to return to from here was Jakku, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't want to go back there. For some people, this is as good as their lives have gotten. I don't want to take that away.
And I- there are some things I never would have learned if I hadn't come here. That I like apples, for example. [And she smiles at him, and it's kind and something she learned here.] I never would have learned the things I'm capable of letting myself do, or be, for other people. I wouldn't take back coming here, even after everything all of the bad things that followed the good.
[This is turning into some sort of speech though, and she hates that, so she pulls a segment off of her orange and hands it over to him. For her, sharing food is no small thing, and she knows he's aware of that.]
But for it to mean anything, this can't be a place that makes men like Alfie wish they were dead. There has to be hope or all of it means nothing.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-14 09:12 pm (UTC)[And, speech or no, he lets her speak her piece. Honestly, it just underscores the fact that coming to Rey was the right decision. It hurts, in a way, to think that she has come to feel the way he does. But it also means she's an ally, and it also means she understands exactly what he wants to do. That understanding, and that support, mean a lot to him, because like he told Lark, he'd been planning on doing this alone. The fact that he might not have to... it's a relief he can't deny.]
I don't want to destroy the Barge. I still believe in what it stands for. I want to turn it into the place it should be - the place the inmates were promised when they were brought here. They deserve that. The wardens deserve that. Nobody deserves what this place has become. It's a broken system. I want to fix it. I think we can fix it, because we're strong enough to stand up for what it should mean, and make that a reality.
[He takes the piece of orange with a grateful smile, and nods.] This place should be hope. It shouldn't be a wall that beats people down. I'm glad you feel the same way. Not every warden will. But I think enough of them will. And if they don't... [He glances down, smiles a little, almost to himself.] Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right, that doesn't make it right. That doesn't mean you back down.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-14 10:25 pm (UTC)It wasn't right, and no one seemed to care, and so she had done something. Her methods then had been extreme, and so is this. It's sort of full circle in a way and she supposes that's fitting.]
We'll find the right way to do this. To get the people who want to go home, home.
no subject
Date: 2016-11-14 11:03 pm (UTC)Steve's just trying to make them more simple. All he knows is, the Admiral isn't helping them. And he should. If he won't, if he's going to keep actively violating the promises he made to them... he has to be stopped. A better system has to be put into place.]
I don't know what the answer is, but I know it's not the Admiral. It's not a man - or a thing, or whatever he is - making false promises and actively failing to care about the people he makes promises to. I believe there is a right answer, and I think we can find it.
I... guess I have to ask you to keep pretty quiet about this. I probably don't even have to ask you - I trust you. I don't even know if the Admiral will care - he already knows how I feel about him, and he doesn't care about that - but I don't want this coming back to haunt you or anyone else with a deal, not until we have a better solution in place.