That's what finally gets her to lose the fight to stay still, gets a soft exhale from her but she bites down on the inside of her cheek to keep from making any other noises. The sting of pain eases surprisingly quickly though, once he's got the ointment more spread out and she can feel it starting to work.
She's not a Shelby, but she's going to ask him how he makes that stuff anyway. It's kind of amazing.
And now that the pain is starting to fade she notices in a different way it's like to have Tommy's hands on her the way they are. She'd noticed how warm they were, but now she can feel better how gentle he's being while he works the ointment into her skin, realizes with a shock she wouldn't mind if he kept touching her even after he was done.
She would like his hands on her, smoothing down along her back, right up against her bare skin, and that's not something she's ever considered before. When he speaks she finds she likes that too, how low his voice has gotten, and she has to close her eyes and bite her lip for an entirely different reason.
What he's doing is clearly working to help her, too, and that shows in the way her shoulders are relaxing, the way her spine is less rigid and how her head drops forward just a little.
He has no idea about the way she's feeling right now, doesn't know she's thinking about him like that- at the same time when a few ideas of his own are floating up. Especially when her shoulders relax and her head drops forward, and he imagines doing this for her when she isn't bruised and hurt. Rubbing into her skin and getting her to relax, to let go of her worries just by touching her...
He can't help but notice the silence that has fallen between them, too, and he doesn't open his mouth again while he works on her back.
When he's finally done, he pulls back, the warmth of his hands pulling away from her as well. "There we go. Best not put that shirt on until it's dried, eh? Don't want the stink to settle in."
She didn't expect to but she misses his touch when it's gone, finds herself wishing for an excuse that would make him put his hands back on her, and that's such a stark difference from how she usually feels about being touched that she isn't exactly sure what to do with feeling like that.
He speaks, though, and that gives her something else to think about. Of course what she thinks about is the fact that Tommy has asked her to spend more time with him with her shirt off and that's so absurd but the reason is so logical that she can't help smiling a little.
"Thank you, Tommy," she says as she turns just enough to look at him over her shoulder. It's the unbruised side of her face, no purple and blue to distract from the way her expression is more open, there's no pain there anymore, and she's still smiling at him. "That feels much better. I hadn't... Well, it hurt more than I realized."
She doesn't love admitting he was right that she needed more than just healing on her own, but it's not terrible either.
Now that her body is relaxing it's impossible to resist the urge to stretch out muscles that she's been purposefully keeping still, so she doesn't. She raises her arms above her head and sighs when her spine cracks pleasantly, when the muscles along it cramp a second and then release and don't seize back up. She leans forward to stretch her lower back, to each side, and by the time she finally lowers her arms she's starting to feel like something other than walking, talking pain.
She still hurts, but that has nothing to do with her body.
"It's been a strange day," she says absently, bringing a hand up to rub the back of he neck. She's still stiff there and there's only so much that can be done about that.
Before he even really knows what he's doing, he's reaching up too, with the hand that had rubbed the cream into her skin. His fingers press into her skin, into the sore muscle there, as he replies.
He knows it's probably too much- really, he does. But he can't stop himself, not after what he just did.
"It has been," he agrees. "Things'll be clearer tomorrow, eh?"
Her only reply is a hum while her hand drops out of the way to let him do that instead and she's immediately grateful that he is. His hand is bigger than hers, the angle is better to work out the knots there and just like he can't stop himself from reaching out for her, she can't stop herself from letting out a soft sigh and leaning back into his touch.
"That feels good," she says softly, bending her neck forward and all but inviting him to keep going.
"You're tense," he says, like it wasn't obvious, like it adds something to the conversation: truly, he has no idea what to say now. Because this isn't soothing her hurts, this isn't ointment on a bruise, this isn't cradling her when she's crying.
She's half-naked and leaning into his touch, and he's rubbing her neck like they're lovers instead of friends. He doesn't even know if she wants anything like what he sometimes imagines, like he has the start of. He doesn't know if she's interested in that at all, if she's ready for it, and even if she were he doesn't know if she'd pick him to try.
But he can't stop, either. She's leaning into him so sweetly, and he feels like he's helping, and he really does like her.
She knows, even with her lack of experience, that there's something here between them that they're going to have to address at some point. With her shirt off is probably not the right time, but there's something sitting wrong with just ignoring it that she has to say something.
She just hope she gets it across right.
"It's not just that," She says softly, eyes closed as she focuses on his hand, focuses on speaking instead of how difficult it is to find the right words. "Not just because it's taking away pain. I like it when you put your hand on my elbow too and that has nothing to do with being hurt. I like it when you touch me."
Now she turns her head again, meets his eyes, and she's not timid or nervous, but she is a little unsure. This is a big thing for her to admit after a lifetime of isolation and being starved for touch, but she thinks he knows enough about her past, about who she is, to understand.
It steals the breath from his lungs, the way she's looking at him, the things she's saying. Tommy doesn't give physical comfort freely, but he's used to it, knows how to give it and doesn't exactly notice when it's being given.
But with her, there has always been more of a realization about it: that she isn't as used to touch, that she has to think about ways to give it out instead of doing it mindlessly.
And then there is the fact that he wants to touch her, and to be touched by her, apparently as much as she does. It's a realization that he doesn't know what to do with at first, and it shows in his silence, in the way his hand briefly stills on her neck-- but doesn't pull away.
"I'm not like this with everyone," he finally says, his voice soft and low again, as his thumb starts back up rubbing at her neck. "You know that, yeah?"
It's the fact that she feels fear, real fear, settling cold in her stomach and making her feel numb again that makes her realize just how much she does feel for Tommy. The rejection she expects when his hand stops doesn't come, it's just his voice gentle and, she thinks, maybe a little hopeful.
But maybe not. She doesn't want to guess anything, can't assume anything, not when she isn't even sure what all of this means. She likes it when he touches her and he knows it, she likes being with him and he knows it, and now she knows that in the same way he sees a side of her no one else does, no one else gets to be like this with him.
"I know," she answers him softly, hand reaching up to where his is on her neck so she can slip her fingers between his, link their hands together on the back of her neck because she can't reach him any other way right now. "I thought that the person I was during the breach, I could never be that. I wouldn't ever find a way to be that happy, that open. She was capable of caring so much, and I knew I wasn't like that. That's why I told you I'd never be that person."
And she'd meant it, and she still does. She still isn't sure she can ever turn out like that, but...
"But I can see how it happened now. I can see how she changed, and it was thanks to the man you were."
He shifts, almost imperceptibly, until he can lean forward enough to rest his forehead against their intertwined fingers. He feels breathless with it, with the enormity of what she's saying, with the implications of it all for him, and for them.
He hasn't wanted to be this close to someone since Grace, and she had seemed like a mountain he would never be able to scale. And now there is Rey, who is whispering to him it was thanks to the man you were, and telling him in as many words that she is learning to care because of the man he is.
"There is nothing about you that I'd see changed," he murmurs, so close to her ear now.
His forehead against their hands, the soft way he speaks to her, what he says, it's all so much it makes it impossible to bear doing this without facing him. She wants to put her arms around him properly, she wants to see his face, she wants to-
But he had made such a fuss about her shirt being off, and that makes a little more sense now, so she reaches for it and spreads it over her chest to cover her in the most basic way possible before she turns so she can face him, bringing their hands down and not quite letting go and then feeling just a little lost once she can see him.
She wants to say something, she probably should say something after all of that, but what words are there for anything she's feeling right now? He'd moved close enough that it's easiest to just lean forward and put her arm around his neck, to pull herself close enough that the shirt covering her gets trapped between their chests and stays exactly where it needs to be so she can put her other arm around his waist.
And it says a lot that this, hugging him like this is easier for her than finding the words to explain what she feels. Somehow, with him, showing her affection is easier than speaking. She curls into him just a little more, runs a hand up the back of his neck to hold him close much like she had when they were in the Enclosure.
He can't even trust himself to move when she turns around, for fear of doing something she doesn't want, or isn't ready for yet. He stays still, holding his breath, until she's settled comfortably against his chest. He can still faintly smell the ointment on her bruised back, but that's the only element of reality that's still filtering through.
He feels like they're in a bubble right now, and it's so pleasant to just be with someone like this. He puts one hand on her shoulder, the other on top of her head, and holds her like that-- and lets himself be held like that. After a few seconds of silent comfort, he shifts to press his lips against her temple, just the once.
She lets out a heavy sigh when she feels him kiss the side of her head, when there's only acceptance and affection in everything he does, and it's a sigh that blatantly telegraphs how content she is with him. How happy she is despite everything, even with Han on the mend and people she respects thinking the worst of her.
It all matters less, hurts less, with Tommy's arms around her.
And there are things that make more sense now. The way he has looked at her while they danced at Lark's, the way they were able to talk about the breach, it all points to him figuring this out before she ever did and she can't help feeling a little foolish for not seeing it before now.
"Will you stay?" She asks him softly, lifting her head up so she can look up at him without moving any more than she has to. "More people will come eventually and I really just want this right now."
Something has shifted between them and he knows it: he just isn't sure yet of the extent of it. If he were he may have leaned down, may have tipped her chin up and pressed their lips together, as if giving her a declaration of intent: yes, he'll stay, in more ways than she knows.
But there is also her bruised back, and her fear of people coming back to reproach her, and it's not the time. He is more than happy to hold her, keep her company.
"I'll stay," he murmurs, rubbing his fingertips against her scalp a little to make her smile. "I'll stay until you tell me to go."
And she does smile, easy and unburdened and entirely because of him. Her eyes even drift closed for a second while she enjoys that, while she leans into his touch like a satisfied cat.
But then he finishes up with that and she opens her eyes again, is still smiling when she moves her hand up to press her palm to his cheek.
"If that were the case you might be stuck here for days."
Like she'd leaned into his touch, he leans into hers now. He looks softer like this, int he low light of the Falcon, his eyes crinkling just slightly at the corners.
Her thumb rubs absently against the skin of his cheek and she can't look away from him now, how peaceful he looks, how happy. He's like a mirror of how she feels and honestly, the more time they spend this close the less locking herself in her room with him feels like a joke. That could actually be something she would want to do.
He smiles, just slightly, and leans forward to rest his forehead against hers. Like this, it's as close to a kiss as he can get without doing it- when that doesn't feel right, not yet, when he suspects she may only just have realized how he feels about her.
This way, he can close his eyes and feel her against him, breathe her in and rest with her. It's comforting when he didn't even know he'd needed it.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2016-05-07 07:15 pm (UTC)She's not a Shelby, but she's going to ask him how he makes that stuff anyway. It's kind of amazing.
And now that the pain is starting to fade she notices in a different way it's like to have Tommy's hands on her the way they are. She'd noticed how warm they were, but now she can feel better how gentle he's being while he works the ointment into her skin, realizes with a shock she wouldn't mind if he kept touching her even after he was done.
She would like his hands on her, smoothing down along her back, right up against her bare skin, and that's not something she's ever considered before. When he speaks she finds she likes that too, how low his voice has gotten, and she has to close her eyes and bite her lip for an entirely different reason.
What he's doing is clearly working to help her, too, and that shows in the way her shoulders are relaxing, the way her spine is less rigid and how her head drops forward just a little.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-08 12:30 pm (UTC)He can't help but notice the silence that has fallen between them, too, and he doesn't open his mouth again while he works on her back.
When he's finally done, he pulls back, the warmth of his hands pulling away from her as well. "There we go. Best not put that shirt on until it's dried, eh? Don't want the stink to settle in."
no subject
Date: 2016-05-08 02:08 pm (UTC)He speaks, though, and that gives her something else to think about. Of course what she thinks about is the fact that Tommy has asked her to spend more time with him with her shirt off and that's so absurd but the reason is so logical that she can't help smiling a little.
"Thank you, Tommy," she says as she turns just enough to look at him over her shoulder. It's the unbruised side of her face, no purple and blue to distract from the way her expression is more open, there's no pain there anymore, and she's still smiling at him. "That feels much better. I hadn't... Well, it hurt more than I realized."
She doesn't love admitting he was right that she needed more than just healing on her own, but it's not terrible either.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-08 04:13 pm (UTC)"I'm glad I could help," he says, sincerely, as he wipes his hand on his handkerchief.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-08 04:40 pm (UTC)She still hurts, but that has nothing to do with her body.
"It's been a strange day," she says absently, bringing a hand up to rub the back of he neck. She's still stiff there and there's only so much that can be done about that.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-08 05:13 pm (UTC)He knows it's probably too much- really, he does. But he can't stop himself, not after what he just did.
"It has been," he agrees. "Things'll be clearer tomorrow, eh?"
no subject
Date: 2016-05-08 05:21 pm (UTC)"That feels good," she says softly, bending her neck forward and all but inviting him to keep going.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-08 07:31 pm (UTC)She's half-naked and leaning into his touch, and he's rubbing her neck like they're lovers instead of friends. He doesn't even know if she wants anything like what he sometimes imagines, like he has the start of. He doesn't know if she's interested in that at all, if she's ready for it, and even if she were he doesn't know if she'd pick him to try.
But he can't stop, either. She's leaning into him so sweetly, and he feels like he's helping, and he really does like her.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-08 07:47 pm (UTC)She just hope she gets it across right.
"It's not just that," She says softly, eyes closed as she focuses on his hand, focuses on speaking instead of how difficult it is to find the right words. "Not just because it's taking away pain. I like it when you put your hand on my elbow too and that has nothing to do with being hurt. I like it when you touch me."
Now she turns her head again, meets his eyes, and she's not timid or nervous, but she is a little unsure. This is a big thing for her to admit after a lifetime of isolation and being starved for touch, but she thinks he knows enough about her past, about who she is, to understand.
"I like it when it's you."
no subject
Date: 2016-05-09 07:18 am (UTC)It steals the breath from his lungs, the way she's looking at him, the things she's saying. Tommy doesn't give physical comfort freely, but he's used to it, knows how to give it and doesn't exactly notice when it's being given.
But with her, there has always been more of a realization about it: that she isn't as used to touch, that she has to think about ways to give it out instead of doing it mindlessly.
And then there is the fact that he wants to touch her, and to be touched by her, apparently as much as she does. It's a realization that he doesn't know what to do with at first, and it shows in his silence, in the way his hand briefly stills on her neck-- but doesn't pull away.
"I'm not like this with everyone," he finally says, his voice soft and low again, as his thumb starts back up rubbing at her neck. "You know that, yeah?"
no subject
Date: 2016-05-09 07:47 am (UTC)But maybe not. She doesn't want to guess anything, can't assume anything, not when she isn't even sure what all of this means. She likes it when he touches her and he knows it, she likes being with him and he knows it, and now she knows that in the same way he sees a side of her no one else does, no one else gets to be like this with him.
"I know," she answers him softly, hand reaching up to where his is on her neck so she can slip her fingers between his, link their hands together on the back of her neck because she can't reach him any other way right now. "I thought that the person I was during the breach, I could never be that. I wouldn't ever find a way to be that happy, that open. She was capable of caring so much, and I knew I wasn't like that. That's why I told you I'd never be that person."
And she'd meant it, and she still does. She still isn't sure she can ever turn out like that, but...
"But I can see how it happened now. I can see how she changed, and it was thanks to the man you were."
no subject
Date: 2016-05-09 03:58 pm (UTC)He hasn't wanted to be this close to someone since Grace, and she had seemed like a mountain he would never be able to scale. And now there is Rey, who is whispering to him it was thanks to the man you were, and telling him in as many words that she is learning to care because of the man he is.
"There is nothing about you that I'd see changed," he murmurs, so close to her ear now.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-09 04:29 pm (UTC)But he had made such a fuss about her shirt being off, and that makes a little more sense now, so she reaches for it and spreads it over her chest to cover her in the most basic way possible before she turns so she can face him, bringing their hands down and not quite letting go and then feeling just a little lost once she can see him.
She wants to say something, she probably should say something after all of that, but what words are there for anything she's feeling right now? He'd moved close enough that it's easiest to just lean forward and put her arm around his neck, to pull herself close enough that the shirt covering her gets trapped between their chests and stays exactly where it needs to be so she can put her other arm around his waist.
And it says a lot that this, hugging him like this is easier for her than finding the words to explain what she feels. Somehow, with him, showing her affection is easier than speaking. She curls into him just a little more, runs a hand up the back of his neck to hold him close much like she had when they were in the Enclosure.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-10 06:02 am (UTC)He can't even trust himself to move when she turns around, for fear of doing something she doesn't want, or isn't ready for yet. He stays still, holding his breath, until she's settled comfortably against his chest. He can still faintly smell the ointment on her bruised back, but that's the only element of reality that's still filtering through.
He feels like they're in a bubble right now, and it's so pleasant to just be with someone like this. He puts one hand on her shoulder, the other on top of her head, and holds her like that-- and lets himself be held like that. After a few seconds of silent comfort, he shifts to press his lips against her temple, just the once.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-10 06:27 am (UTC)It all matters less, hurts less, with Tommy's arms around her.
And there are things that make more sense now. The way he has looked at her while they danced at Lark's, the way they were able to talk about the breach, it all points to him figuring this out before she ever did and she can't help feeling a little foolish for not seeing it before now.
"Will you stay?" She asks him softly, lifting her head up so she can look up at him without moving any more than she has to. "More people will come eventually and I really just want this right now."
no subject
Date: 2016-05-10 06:35 am (UTC)Something has shifted between them and he knows it: he just isn't sure yet of the extent of it. If he were he may have leaned down, may have tipped her chin up and pressed their lips together, as if giving her a declaration of intent: yes, he'll stay, in more ways than she knows.
But there is also her bruised back, and her fear of people coming back to reproach her, and it's not the time. He is more than happy to hold her, keep her company.
"I'll stay," he murmurs, rubbing his fingertips against her scalp a little to make her smile. "I'll stay until you tell me to go."
no subject
Date: 2016-05-10 06:55 am (UTC)But then he finishes up with that and she opens her eyes again, is still smiling when she moves her hand up to press her palm to his cheek.
"If that were the case you might be stuck here for days."
no subject
Date: 2016-05-10 07:55 am (UTC)"Well, we didn't stock up for nothing, Rey. Eh?"
no subject
Date: 2016-05-10 08:11 am (UTC)"And you brought that cream. We're set, I'd say."
no subject
Date: 2016-05-10 08:36 am (UTC)This way, he can close his eyes and feel her against him, breathe her in and rest with her. It's comforting when he didn't even know he'd needed it.