[Han Solo is not the type of person who likes to have feelings, usually hiding any genuine emotion behind jokes or aggression—the latter, in this case. Enjoy him starting to care about you, Rey.]
Did I tell you to leave it alone? Did I?? Are you trying to get demoted?
[She responds because of course she does, it's Han, but she makes sure to only let him hear her voice. It won't do either of them any good to see the results of going toe to toe with someone as big as the Iron Bull.]
You're the second person to ask me that. Don't you think if I was trying to get myself demoted I would have actually stayed and killed him myself? It was never about that.
[Even if he could get out of bed and have this conversation in person, he probably wouldn't, because that makes those pesky feelings harder to deal with. He concedes audio only, seeing as how he's doing a little hiding of his own.]
You think it matters that you didn't actually kill him? You beat him nearly to death; the admiral might consider that close enough. He might've killed you too, you know.
I hit him four times with my staff and I kicked him once. I did exactly what it took to put him on his back and nothing else, I never intended to kill him and if I had been there when- when he did die, I'd have stopped it.
[And yet, she's no better to Kylo Ren in the eyes of people she likes and respects, and that's making her so bitter about so many things that she almost wishes she didn't care so much about Han. None of this would have happened, she could have been happy alone and isolated.]
[He notes that she doesn't answer the question, but he doesn't ask it again, not really needing to.
He calms down a little, taking a breath, but tactful, he ain't.] Look, while I appreciate the uh, sentiment, I don't need an avenging angel. I'm not sixty years old and I can fight my own battles.
[There's a little bit of hurt pride there as well, that she might think he can't.]
[For a very long time, there's no answer. She knew that it would be hard to withstand how terrible it feels to have his disapproval, but there's some sinking part of her that feels like she's losing him for a choice she doesn't regret making and would make again if it came up.
And it hurts, that she's struggled so many years to survive and still tries to do the right things instead of the easy things, but all people see is a girl who let her rage bring her down to the level of a mindless animal. She thought that maybe, because he's who he is, that he might understand.]
Is it impossible that I might have done it for myself, and not just for you? Do you know what it's like to watch someone die in front of you and vow to save them, only to have them die on you again? Do you have any idea how helpless that might make you feel?
[The anger in his voice becomes tinged with dark bitterness.] Yeah, I know what that's like. [Watching someone he cared about die and the helplessness of that.]
I was already alive again before you even knew I was dead. [Which should lessen any traumatic impact, in his less-than-sensitive opinion.]
[This time, the connection ends completely. She turns her communicator off but she can still hear that so clear in her head it almost doesn't matter. Before you even knew I was dead has her bursting into tears the second she knows he won't hear it and she doesn't contact him again until she's stopped.
She also only gives him a text that comes in around ten minutes later.]
[He knew when the connection went dead that he'd managed to say something stupid again. He hadn't been trying to upset her, more just be logical. Not that women usually appreciated that (him having some experience saying stupid things to them).
He doesn't try to reconnect, just lying back with his eyes closed, the comm device still in his hand when the text comes through. After which he just stares at the words for a while, looking fairly unhappy himself.]
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branchandroot
video; after his conversation with Steve
Date: 2016-05-04 05:12 pm (UTC)Did I tell you to leave it alone? Did I?? Are you trying to get demoted?
voice;
Date: 2016-05-04 05:17 pm (UTC)You're the second person to ask me that. Don't you think if I was trying to get myself demoted I would have actually stayed and killed him myself? It was never about that.
voice;
Date: 2016-05-04 05:39 pm (UTC)You think it matters that you didn't actually kill him? You beat him nearly to death; the admiral might consider that close enough. He might've killed you too, you know.
What's it about, then? Tell me.
voice;
Date: 2016-05-04 05:51 pm (UTC)[And yet, she's no better to Kylo Ren in the eyes of people she likes and respects, and that's making her so bitter about so many things that she almost wishes she didn't care so much about Han. None of this would have happened, she could have been happy alone and isolated.]
voice;
Date: 2016-05-04 06:31 pm (UTC)He calms down a little, taking a breath, but tactful, he ain't.] Look, while I appreciate the uh, sentiment, I don't need an avenging angel. I'm not sixty years old and I can fight my own battles.
[There's a little bit of hurt pride there as well, that she might think he can't.]
voice;
Date: 2016-05-04 06:42 pm (UTC)And it hurts, that she's struggled so many years to survive and still tries to do the right things instead of the easy things, but all people see is a girl who let her rage bring her down to the level of a mindless animal. She thought that maybe, because he's who he is, that he might understand.]
Is it impossible that I might have done it for myself, and not just for you? Do you know what it's like to watch someone die in front of you and vow to save them, only to have them die on you again? Do you have any idea how helpless that might make you feel?
voice;
Date: 2016-05-04 07:18 pm (UTC)I was already alive again before you even knew I was dead. [Which should lessen any traumatic impact, in his less-than-sensitive opinion.]
'Vow to save them'? What are you talking about?
text;
Date: 2016-05-04 07:22 pm (UTC)She also only gives him a text that comes in around ten minutes later.]
My deal is for you.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-04 08:32 pm (UTC)He doesn't try to reconnect, just lying back with his eyes closed, the comm device still in his hand when the text comes through. After which he just stares at the words for a while, looking fairly unhappy himself.]