[For a very long time, there's no answer. She knew that it would be hard to withstand how terrible it feels to have his disapproval, but there's some sinking part of her that feels like she's losing him for a choice she doesn't regret making and would make again if it came up.
And it hurts, that she's struggled so many years to survive and still tries to do the right things instead of the easy things, but all people see is a girl who let her rage bring her down to the level of a mindless animal. She thought that maybe, because he's who he is, that he might understand.]
Is it impossible that I might have done it for myself, and not just for you? Do you know what it's like to watch someone die in front of you and vow to save them, only to have them die on you again? Do you have any idea how helpless that might make you feel?
[The anger in his voice becomes tinged with dark bitterness.] Yeah, I know what that's like. [Watching someone he cared about die and the helplessness of that.]
I was already alive again before you even knew I was dead. [Which should lessen any traumatic impact, in his less-than-sensitive opinion.]
[This time, the connection ends completely. She turns her communicator off but she can still hear that so clear in her head it almost doesn't matter. Before you even knew I was dead has her bursting into tears the second she knows he won't hear it and she doesn't contact him again until she's stopped.
She also only gives him a text that comes in around ten minutes later.]
[He knew when the connection went dead that he'd managed to say something stupid again. He hadn't been trying to upset her, more just be logical. Not that women usually appreciated that (him having some experience saying stupid things to them).
He doesn't try to reconnect, just lying back with his eyes closed, the comm device still in his hand when the text comes through. After which he just stares at the words for a while, looking fairly unhappy himself.]
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branchandroot
voice;
Date: 2016-05-04 06:42 pm (UTC)And it hurts, that she's struggled so many years to survive and still tries to do the right things instead of the easy things, but all people see is a girl who let her rage bring her down to the level of a mindless animal. She thought that maybe, because he's who he is, that he might understand.]
Is it impossible that I might have done it for myself, and not just for you? Do you know what it's like to watch someone die in front of you and vow to save them, only to have them die on you again? Do you have any idea how helpless that might make you feel?
voice;
Date: 2016-05-04 07:18 pm (UTC)I was already alive again before you even knew I was dead. [Which should lessen any traumatic impact, in his less-than-sensitive opinion.]
'Vow to save them'? What are you talking about?
text;
Date: 2016-05-04 07:22 pm (UTC)She also only gives him a text that comes in around ten minutes later.]
My deal is for you.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-04 08:32 pm (UTC)He doesn't try to reconnect, just lying back with his eyes closed, the comm device still in his hand when the text comes through. After which he just stares at the words for a while, looking fairly unhappy himself.]