"I didn't really feel anything on Jakku," she says quietly while they walk, and this is absolutely something she wouldn't tell anyone else. Tommy may have guessed, as similar as they are, but it's something she's never said point blank like this. "My entire life was on hold because I was waiting for people who never came for me. I didn't realize it then, but it was like I wasn't even alive."
And then BB-8 had beeped his way into her life, and then came Finn and Han and everything that she was swept up in, and then just a few days later she was here, where everything was new, food was abundant, and people were like Finn, wanting to be her friend only because they had big hearts.
"It's hard to adjust to, isn't it?"
Being alive. Feeling things, and learning to be okay with feeling things.
"I don't know how." This is not the confession of a man who is sheepishly
trying and fumbling along. This is the confession of someone who doesn't
speak a language and can't even form the vowels anymore.
"But if this helps I'll do it. I don't want to fit with people. I'm not
like them at home. Don't want to be. Maybe it's how I keep waiting for my
people, my family, that's never coming back. But here...I can be more for
Eggsy. For Furiosa." A pause, an awkward hum that means to include Rey, too.
She glances over at him to see if she's guessed right about that hum and once she's sure she has, her hand moves to touch his. It's nothing that last more than a second, just a brush of her fingers over the back of his hand that says she knows, she feels the same, and that that's okay.
"What made you want to be with Eggsy if you don't want to fit with people?"
"First time he met me I was scavenging. He ran movie nights, helped people
relax. Saw me and gave me something he'd hidden for himself. His favorite.
Just gave it to me, didn't know me."
He still had the wrapper, actually and he shows it to her: a yellow peanut
M&M's wrapper that he's reinforced by laminating it. It holds odds and ends
for him now that the candy is long gone.
"Not a lot of people like him. And they don't talk to me, most of those
people. He did."
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2016-06-22 05:37 am (UTC)And then BB-8 had beeped his way into her life, and then came Finn and Han and everything that she was swept up in, and then just a few days later she was here, where everything was new, food was abundant, and people were like Finn, wanting to be her friend only because they had big hearts.
"It's hard to adjust to, isn't it?"
Being alive. Feeling things, and learning to be okay with feeling things.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-23 12:35 am (UTC)"I don't know how." This is not the confession of a man who is sheepishly trying and fumbling along. This is the confession of someone who doesn't speak a language and can't even form the vowels anymore.
"But if this helps I'll do it. I don't want to fit with people. I'm not like them at home. Don't want to be. Maybe it's how I keep waiting for my people, my family, that's never coming back. But here...I can be more for Eggsy. For Furiosa." A pause, an awkward hum that means to include Rey, too.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-23 12:55 am (UTC)"What made you want to be with Eggsy if you don't want to fit with people?"
no subject
Date: 2016-06-23 01:34 am (UTC)"First time he met me I was scavenging. He ran movie nights, helped people relax. Saw me and gave me something he'd hidden for himself. His favorite. Just gave it to me, didn't know me."
He still had the wrapper, actually and he shows it to her: a yellow peanut M&M's wrapper that he's reinforced by laminating it. It holds odds and ends for him now that the candy is long gone.
"Not a lot of people like him. And they don't talk to me, most of those people. He did."