[ He's having a hard time setting this aside now that it's been brought up. Arthur almost misses the warmth in Rey's response, opening his mouth to retort with something caustic. But he doesn't miss it completely, registering a moment after the fact.
It's weird, he barely knows her and she's still extending some kind of courtesy. No, kindness. After all she's been through; growing up alone and losing people. ]
I'm sorry. For the people you've lost, I mean. It never gets any easier.
[ Losing Mal was the hardest, but in a career like dreamshare, he's seen a lot of death. Some people had even been friends. Extractors, chemists, forgers, architects, even other points. The sharp loss of good people to dreaming their lives away. He reaches in his pocket, curls a hand around the red die there and holds tight. ]
My parents sold me when I was a child. For drinking money.
[Maybe it's dying, or maybe it's because they're already sharing impossibly painful things. Maybe it's because this is a pain that's still so fresh it's eating her alive, and maybe it's just that she's still got a regrettable amount of faith to put in people.
Maybe she's just so, so tired of being lonely.
Whatever the reason that comes out, her voice small and tight because tears are threatening to come, and once the words are out she doesn't want to take them back.]
After that, the only people who showed an interest in me were people who wanted to trick me into trusting them so they could take something from me. That's been true my entire life and it only changed days before I ended up here, with COST.
I don't- it isn't personal when I push you away. I'm just trying to protect myself. That's all I've ever known.
[ What does someone even say to something like this? Arthur has a hard enough time dealing with death, grief and all its trappings. But this is different, a kind of hurt that comes from feeling unwanted and unloved. He might not have gotten along with his parents, but they still wanted him.
(Even if they don't know what he does, now. It's better they don't know). ]
No, I get it. I'm not holding it against you, honest. Even without knowing–
[ All of this. ]
–it's fine, I understand. And if you need to keep me at an arms length, I'm not gonna get pissed.
[ Hell, he does that to half the people he meets. ] Or if you want me to fuck off with the checking in, I will. Call it stupid, but I guess I just wanted to let you know someone gives a shit in all this mess.
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no subject
It's weird, he barely knows her and she's still extending some kind of courtesy. No, kindness. After all she's been through; growing up alone and losing people. ]
I'm sorry. For the people you've lost, I mean. It never gets any easier.
[ Losing Mal was the hardest, but in a career like dreamshare, he's seen a lot of death. Some people had even been friends. Extractors, chemists, forgers, architects, even other points. The sharp loss of good people to dreaming their lives away. He reaches in his pocket, curls a hand around the red die there and holds tight. ]
no subject
[Maybe it's dying, or maybe it's because they're already sharing impossibly painful things. Maybe it's because this is a pain that's still so fresh it's eating her alive, and maybe it's just that she's still got a regrettable amount of faith to put in people.
Maybe she's just so, so tired of being lonely.
Whatever the reason that comes out, her voice small and tight because tears are threatening to come, and once the words are out she doesn't want to take them back.]
After that, the only people who showed an interest in me were people who wanted to trick me into trusting them so they could take something from me. That's been true my entire life and it only changed days before I ended up here, with COST.
I don't- it isn't personal when I push you away. I'm just trying to protect myself. That's all I've ever known.
no subject
(Even if they don't know what he does, now. It's better they don't know). ]
No, I get it. I'm not holding it against you, honest. Even without knowing–
[ All of this. ]
–it's fine, I understand. And if you need to keep me at an arms length, I'm not gonna get pissed.
[ Hell, he does that to half the people he meets. ] Or if you want me to fuck off with the checking in, I will. Call it stupid, but I guess I just wanted to let you know someone gives a shit in all this mess.