She glances at him, a little surprised by the question before she remembers not everyone knows how horribly Kylo Ren is. He's not much of a threat here, not everyone knows he's responsible for the deaths of thousands of people.
Not everyone knows he came to Jakku and murdered an entire settlement of innocent people just to find a map to Luke Skywalker.
Tommy will want personal, though, the reasons she hates Kylo Ren, and it's easier when he already knows she was left behind as a child.
"I could have left Jakku at any time. I was a pilot, and I even had a ship at one point. I chose to stay there because I believed one day my parents would come back for me. I left because I found a droid- a robot, who had important information, and Kylo Ren's people attacked to get it. When I left, though, I left with someone named Finn. He had met the droid's original owner, so we both decided to get it home to the people the information would help."
She pauses and looks at her drink, debates exactly how wise it is to take another sip when she's already starting to feel it and hasn't ever actually been drunk before. It's probably best to slow down.
"The ship we stole to escape belonged to a man named Han Solo. He's here now too, but he and Luke are both younger than the versions of them I met. When I was captured by Kylo Ren, Finn and Han came to save me." She smiles a little, the expression a little sad but mostly fond. "I'd already escaped my restraints and just had to find a ship when they got there, but they..." Now she looks at Tommy, hoping that he'll get it and searching his face to see if he does. "My parents never came back for me, and I've accepted that they never will. But Finn and Han, they did. They'd only known me a day and a half, but they came for me.
And then Kylo Ren killed Han, and he tried to kill Finn. When I came here he was still in a coma."
And that's why she hates Kylo Ren. What he did to her is terrible, but it's not why she hates him. She can still see Finn laying still in the snow, still see Han's body falling, and she will never forgive Kylo Ren for any of it.
Not in the way anyone from her world would get it, or the way someone who had been abandoned would get it. But he gets what it's like to hate someone, and he knows what it's like to lose. More than that, he understands what it's like to lose people like that, who stuck by you through anything.
He isn't an affectionate man. But his understanding shows in his face- not pity, not fear, not disapproval. He just understands, and it shows, and he nods.
"It sounds to me like he more than deserves your hate," he says, softly.
There's something unusually comforting in that, in the lack of pity that she sees in Tommy's face when she glances up at him. She's always been a strong person, always had to handle all her trouble on her own, so most of the time pity and sympathy because of something she's gone through makes her uncomfortable. She isn't weak, what she's been through is over and she's stronger for it. That's just how you have to see the world when you live one day at a time, and knowing that there's people on this strange ship that understand...
She smiles, just a little, and her shoulders relax again. Her fingers release their death grip on her glass.
"I can't say he doesn't, but I'm supposed to be letting go of those feelings." To find balance, find peace. Hate and anger, wishing that Kylo Ren was dead by her hand, those are all things that will surely lead her down a path she doesn't want to ever step foot on.
"Easier letting to of something when you can't run into it in the halls, though, isn't it?" He agrees that she probably should, like he works hard not to hate the people who thrust the world into war, or the forces that led Grace to do what she did (or Grace herself, but that isn't hate, is it?), but he isn't forced to deal with any of those over here.
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Not everyone knows he came to Jakku and murdered an entire settlement of innocent people just to find a map to Luke Skywalker.
Tommy will want personal, though, the reasons she hates Kylo Ren, and it's easier when he already knows she was left behind as a child.
"I could have left Jakku at any time. I was a pilot, and I even had a ship at one point. I chose to stay there because I believed one day my parents would come back for me. I left because I found a droid- a robot, who had important information, and Kylo Ren's people attacked to get it. When I left, though, I left with someone named Finn. He had met the droid's original owner, so we both decided to get it home to the people the information would help."
She pauses and looks at her drink, debates exactly how wise it is to take another sip when she's already starting to feel it and hasn't ever actually been drunk before. It's probably best to slow down.
"The ship we stole to escape belonged to a man named Han Solo. He's here now too, but he and Luke are both younger than the versions of them I met. When I was captured by Kylo Ren, Finn and Han came to save me." She smiles a little, the expression a little sad but mostly fond. "I'd already escaped my restraints and just had to find a ship when they got there, but they..." Now she looks at Tommy, hoping that he'll get it and searching his face to see if he does. "My parents never came back for me, and I've accepted that they never will. But Finn and Han, they did. They'd only known me a day and a half, but they came for me.
And then Kylo Ren killed Han, and he tried to kill Finn. When I came here he was still in a coma."
And that's why she hates Kylo Ren. What he did to her is terrible, but it's not why she hates him. She can still see Finn laying still in the snow, still see Han's body falling, and she will never forgive Kylo Ren for any of it.
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Not in the way anyone from her world would get it, or the way someone who had been abandoned would get it. But he gets what it's like to hate someone, and he knows what it's like to lose. More than that, he understands what it's like to lose people like that, who stuck by you through anything.
He isn't an affectionate man. But his understanding shows in his face- not pity, not fear, not disapproval. He just understands, and it shows, and he nods.
"It sounds to me like he more than deserves your hate," he says, softly.
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She smiles, just a little, and her shoulders relax again. Her fingers release their death grip on her glass.
"I can't say he doesn't, but I'm supposed to be letting go of those feelings." To find balance, find peace. Hate and anger, wishing that Kylo Ren was dead by her hand, those are all things that will surely lead her down a path she doesn't want to ever step foot on.
no subject