She can see what he's doing, looking at her like that like he's realized, finally, just how bad Jakku was. It makes her stiffen up, makes her jaw go tight, because she doesn't want anyone's pity. She did her best on that planet, did better than a lot of people, and she lived through it all by herself with no help.
"You already said you don't want to learn to use a staff, so what do you want?"
If she told him that, he'd be quick to put those fears to rest: he isn't really made for pity, and he understands, deeply, what it's like to always expect retaliation or payment. Nothing has come to him for free, which is why it's so easy, now, to accept that she expects him to want something in return.
"I didn't say that. I said it's little use against a gun- I also know how to box, but if I put my fists up a bullet'll rip right through those too, won't it?"
That doesn't sit right, the way he dodges her question and asks one of his own, one that might not be meant to make her feel foolish but does all the same and only because they've slipped off the same page.
She's trying not to lash out. It mostly works.
"All I can teach you is now to not die, Tommy. That's all I know how to do and you clearly know the ins and outs already."
She wants to leave now, to run from this, whatever it is, but she forces herself to stay exactly where she is.
He still notices, despite her efforts. He's attuned to these kinds of moods, has had to be- not that he blames her. He realizes he can be a little hard to talk to, at times. He also makes very few efforts to change that.
"I'm not trying to insult you, Rey. If you don't want to teach me, that's fine. I told you I don't need payment."
For a moment she just watches him, scanning him for some sign of what he's trying to get from this before she remembers that's not what he's like. She'd gotten too caught up in her mistrust to remember everything he knows, everything he's come to mean to her from before the breach.
This is on her, her own defensiveness is getting in her way just like it always has, and if she's not careful one day she's going to find herself as alone as she's ever been without anyone left trying to get past her walls. Looking away, her shoulders droop again.
"I'll think of something." She says, stubborn to the last. "I know I don't have to, but I want to. I want us to be on even ground."
Again, he'd contradict her: he brings this out in people, this kind of mistrust. He is like that, sometimes. Just not on the Barge, where there's less survival involved than there was back home.
"Alright, then," he concedes, easily, shrugging. "You tell me when you've thought of something."
She nods, because at this point that's clearly for the best before they hit some other snag and her defensiveness come raging out again.
There's a moment when she's looking at him a little more softly, where memories that aren't hers are prompting her to reach for him in some way, touch him in one of those secret ways they had to rely on to keep what they had private, and she has to fight to remember that that isn't real. As much as her mind might be stuck thinking a kiss goodbye should come now, there's still even sense to keep herself seated, to keep her hands to herself.
It doesn't matter how soft she remembers his lips being, he isn't hers to kiss.
"Alright, Tommy," she says, and she manages a small smile for him in return. "I'll see you around."
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"You already said you don't want to learn to use a staff, so what do you want?"
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"I didn't say that. I said it's little use against a gun- I also know how to box, but if I put my fists up a bullet'll rip right through those too, won't it?"
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She's trying not to lash out. It mostly works.
"All I can teach you is now to not die, Tommy. That's all I know how to do and you clearly know the ins and outs already."
She wants to leave now, to run from this, whatever it is, but she forces herself to stay exactly where she is.
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"I'm not trying to insult you, Rey. If you don't want to teach me, that's fine. I told you I don't need payment."
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This is on her, her own defensiveness is getting in her way just like it always has, and if she's not careful one day she's going to find herself as alone as she's ever been without anyone left trying to get past her walls. Looking away, her shoulders droop again.
"I'll think of something." She says, stubborn to the last. "I know I don't have to, but I want to. I want us to be on even ground."
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"Alright, then," he concedes, easily, shrugging. "You tell me when you've thought of something."
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There's a moment when she's looking at him a little more softly, where memories that aren't hers are prompting her to reach for him in some way, touch him in one of those secret ways they had to rely on to keep what they had private, and she has to fight to remember that that isn't real. As much as her mind might be stuck thinking a kiss goodbye should come now, there's still even sense to keep herself seated, to keep her hands to herself.
It doesn't matter how soft she remembers his lips being, he isn't hers to kiss.
"Alright, Tommy," she says, and she manages a small smile for him in return. "I'll see you around."