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She glances at him a little too sharply, but the rest of her stays fluid. On anyone else that would be an insult, but she can see he's being genuine and more importantly, that this is a question that's meant to lead into him saying something else.
"No," she says it simply, easily, because it's the truth. "I've never had anyone."
"No," she says it simply, easily, because it's the truth. "I've never had anyone."
"I did," he says, frankly honest. The pain is very, very clear in his voice, however, making him look tightly wound up.
"It ended badly, right before I came here." Which makes this perhaps just as painful as it has been for her, but in a very different way. This was a reminder for Tommy how badly things had ended with Grace, instead of a list of taken firsts.
"It ended badly, right before I came here." Which makes this perhaps just as painful as it has been for her, but in a very different way. This was a reminder for Tommy how badly things had ended with Grace, instead of a list of taken firsts.
The staff stops its movement through the air, comes to rest on the surface of the deck as she stops to look over at him properly. Things are sliding into place now, she's putting together why this is hard for him now, why it would have been worse the first time and why it made such an impression then that he'd go out of his way to keep things from going badly again.
It had been clear that she wasn't the only one struggling, and she hadn't ever thought of it in terms of who had been hurt worse, but now she realizes she had assumed he had taken it a little better than her.
But they really are on the same page, and thanks to Luke and Han she's reached a place where seeing someone she likes in pain has developed the urge to try to help. She's still not very good at being a form of support, but she'd done well enough in the past that they had been thankful after the fact.
Or maybe they had just accepted she was horrible at being nice and were giving her a pass for trying. Either way, against her better judgement she crosses the deck and puts her hand, delicately, on Tommy's shoulder. It's a big risk and she hates herself a little for making it after he'd already rejected the staff lessons, she should know better, but it's who she is now and not her memories of him during the breach that make it impossible to just let him sit there suffering.
"I'm sorry, Tommy." Her voice is even and soft, but not overcome with sympathy or too much emotion. There's sincerity, and that comes with a very gentle squeeze, but she's keeping this from getting too sentimental very much on purpose.
It had been clear that she wasn't the only one struggling, and she hadn't ever thought of it in terms of who had been hurt worse, but now she realizes she had assumed he had taken it a little better than her.
But they really are on the same page, and thanks to Luke and Han she's reached a place where seeing someone she likes in pain has developed the urge to try to help. She's still not very good at being a form of support, but she'd done well enough in the past that they had been thankful after the fact.
Or maybe they had just accepted she was horrible at being nice and were giving her a pass for trying. Either way, against her better judgement she crosses the deck and puts her hand, delicately, on Tommy's shoulder. It's a big risk and she hates herself a little for making it after he'd already rejected the staff lessons, she should know better, but it's who she is now and not her memories of him during the breach that make it impossible to just let him sit there suffering.
"I'm sorry, Tommy." Her voice is even and soft, but not overcome with sympathy or too much emotion. There's sincerity, and that comes with a very gentle squeeze, but she's keeping this from getting too sentimental very much on purpose.
He hadn't expected that- not because he thinks she's unkind, but because she's particularly closed-off, and because most people react to this confession with at least a little contempt. People tend to be disappointed in him, or at least that's how he feels they react.
So he hadn't expected this kind of sincere sentiment. It doesn't mean he doesn't flinch a little, hunch over so he can look at his folded hands, but it's not... bad. He isn't sure how to react to it, so he just lets the silence linger for a little while as he thinks on it.
"So now you understand a little more," he settles on, finally.
So he hadn't expected this kind of sincere sentiment. It doesn't mean he doesn't flinch a little, hunch over so he can look at his folded hands, but it's not... bad. He isn't sure how to react to it, so he just lets the silence linger for a little while as he thinks on it.
"So now you understand a little more," he settles on, finally.
Her hand doesn't stay there long, at least. She takes it away to sit down across from him instead, but she isn't sure what should come next. She doesn't want to pry into what happened with the person he was in love with before his heart was broken, but she feels like she should say something.
"I do," she agrees, just to be sure they're on the same page and he knows he can maybe relax with this a little more. "I can... if you need space, I can do that."
As much as she doesn't want to lose one of the very few friends she's made on the barge, he's become important enough to her that she's okay with letting him take that decision out of her hands if it's going to help him process things better.
"I do," she agrees, just to be sure they're on the same page and he knows he can maybe relax with this a little more. "I can... if you need space, I can do that."
As much as she doesn't want to lose one of the very few friends she's made on the barge, he's become important enough to her that she's okay with letting him take that decision out of her hands if it's going to help him process things better.
He clears his throat and shakes his head, without looking up from his hands. "No. It's been months." Which means more I shouldn't still be upset about this than I'm no longer upset about this.
Edited 2016-03-29 19:11 (UTC)
She does kind of get that feeling, so Rey nods and just like that it's something filed away, something she can remember to give her perspective on him but something that she'll never bring up on her own. Something he can choose to speak to her about, if he ever feels a need to.
And... the level of relief she feels when he says no is a little disturbing for her. She doesn't quite like this, becoming this attached to anyone at all, but it's inescapable and she has no idea what to do about it. Let it happen? She doesn't want to fight it, so that's really the only option.
"How often do things like that happen?" She asks instead of lingering on a topic that clearly causes him pain. "I didn't know it was possible for the entire ship to become somewhere else like that."
And... the level of relief she feels when he says no is a little disturbing for her. She doesn't quite like this, becoming this attached to anyone at all, but it's inescapable and she has no idea what to do about it. Let it happen? She doesn't want to fight it, so that's really the only option.
"How often do things like that happen?" She asks instead of lingering on a topic that clearly causes him pain. "I didn't know it was possible for the entire ship to become somewhere else like that."
"Should've given you the bloody pamphlet," he mumbles, before straightening up a little and raking a hand through his hair.
"Every couple of months. This was my third one- first time around there were dinosaurs, last time it was the fucking Wild West."
And each time he's a crook. He swallows against that thought- at least this time he came closer to good than bad.
"Every couple of months. This was my third one- first time around there were dinosaurs, last time it was the fucking Wild West."
And each time he's a crook. He swallows against that thought- at least this time he came closer to good than bad.
There's a lot there, information and things that only cause more questions, but there's one word that he's said that Rey can't hope to parse, so she picks it to focus on in the hopes that she can distract him from what's bothering him.
"What are dinosaurs?"
"What are dinosaurs?"
"They're, ah..." He blinks for a second. How the fuck do you explain that?
"Prehistoric beasts. Extinct long before humanity came around."
"Prehistoric beasts. Extinct long before humanity came around."
"Beasts makes them sound dangerous," Rey points out, intrigued because it's interesting and less because her distraction technique might have actually worked. "Were the just... loose, everywhere?"
"They were. They'd built a compound of sorts, to keep them out- it was the world of the dinosaurs, and we were intruding. They quite disagreed with that."
As much as that sounds very dangerous and probably quite scary, there's still something about it that makes Rey just a little sorry she didn't get to see these dinosaurs.
"Was anyone hurt?"
"Was anyone hurt?"
[For a long while she considers being unkind. That is, after all, her default, and far easier than extending anyone any measure of kindness. She doesn't know that Rey deserves her kindness, after all. She was someone else in Redimere, just as Lila was herself.]
[Still . . . maybe just this once. At least to start with. So.]
Meet me somewhere. You pick where and when.
[Still . . . maybe just this once. At least to start with. So.]
Meet me somewhere. You pick where and when.
[Well that's... a thing. Rey isn't really sure what to do with this, but just like Lila she can't find a reason to not test the waters here.
And there's still a measure of fondness floating in her for this girl, the memories of her keeping Kylo Ren in any form far away from her more than enough to let this play out instead of stamping out the connection before it has a chance to form.]
I'm free now. Does the library work?
[Rey doesn't actually like the library much, not when it's a waste of space when a holo-reader is all you need to read anything, but it's a public place that's quiet, neutral ground, and isn't somewhere that an inmate needs permission to enter.]
And there's still a measure of fondness floating in her for this girl, the memories of her keeping Kylo Ren in any form far away from her more than enough to let this play out instead of stamping out the connection before it has a chance to form.]
I'm free now. Does the library work?
[Rey doesn't actually like the library much, not when it's a waste of space when a holo-reader is all you need to read anything, but it's a public place that's quiet, neutral ground, and isn't somewhere that an inmate needs permission to enter.]
Library's fine. I'll be on the second floor next to the Grisham thrillers.
[She actually doesn't know if those exist on the Barge, but you know what, it's hilarious and apropos, and even if they're not there, she knows she can find Rey sooner or later.]
[She doesn't bother saying see you there or anything like that. She just goes, settles herself in the most comfortable armchair there with her knees tucked under her and her hands folded lazily in her lap.]
[She actually doesn't know if those exist on the Barge, but you know what, it's hilarious and apropos, and even if they're not there, she knows she can find Rey sooner or later.]
[She doesn't bother saying see you there or anything like that. She just goes, settles herself in the most comfortable armchair there with her knees tucked under her and her hands folded lazily in her lap.]
[Even if they were there, they wouldn't be much of a reference point to Rey, but she can find the second floor easy enough and it doesn't take long to find Lila sitting there and looking kind of like she owns the place.
Which isn't a surprise, if her memories from the breach match up with the kind of person Lila is in every day life. Sliding her staff off her shoulder, Rey props it up against a wall and sits down across from Lila.]
Lila, right?
Which isn't a surprise, if her memories from the breach match up with the kind of person Lila is in every day life. Sliding her staff off her shoulder, Rey props it up against a wall and sits down across from Lila.]
Lila, right?
[She always carries a weapon, Rey does. Lila remembers this from before, tries to mesh that fact in with who Rey was in the breach.]
[It doesn't fit. She stares at the staff for a moment, purses her lips.]
Yeah.
[There's a beat, and her lips draw back from her teeth in a wordless snarl; then:]
Zacharov.
[Not Shelby, not Kishibe. Zacharov. Her name. It's hers.]
[It doesn't fit. She stares at the staff for a moment, purses her lips.]
Yeah.
[There's a beat, and her lips draw back from her teeth in a wordless snarl; then:]
Zacharov.
[Not Shelby, not Kishibe. Zacharov. Her name. It's hers.]
He nods, rubs his mouth a little again in an obvious nervous gesture- there's still tension in his body.
"Plenty of people were hurt. Furiosa threw herself in front of one of the animals to save me, even though we didn't know each other in the dream. I had to do some very inventive things to keep her from bleeding out."
"Plenty of people were hurt. Furiosa threw herself in front of one of the animals to save me, even though we didn't know each other in the dream. I had to do some very inventive things to keep her from bleeding out."
[There's no response to the bared teeth, because this is immediately something Rey recognizes. A challenge, and a warning to keep her distance. From the topic, or from Lila herself, but either way growing up on Jakku has made Rey all too familiar with what defensiveness looks like.]
I'm just Rey.
[She says it mildly and leans back in her chair, ceding a little more space to this girl like it means nothing to let her have more.]
You wanted something.
I'm just Rey.
[She says it mildly and leans back in her chair, ceding a little more space to this girl like it means nothing to let her have more.]
You wanted something.
Immediately Rey feels angry at herself for the question, because the last thing she'd wanted to do was make Tommy think of even more things he'd rather not. She's making this worse, doesn't know how to make it better, and that means her immediate impulse is to run away from it.
What is Tommy to her, anyway? Not a lover, maybe a friend, and she can't even say they know nothing about each other anymore when he's told her about Grace, his family, his childhood. When he knows about her abandonment, about her abilities, about her loneliness. Even when she's trying to tell herself there's nothing there she can't and that makes it worse, in a way.
She can't run from what's already started, not when he's put his trust in her. It makes her uncomfortable, but there's nothing she can do about it except try to find a way to make it hurt less. Add to that the fact that she'd given him the chance to walk away and he had said no so plainly...
"I haven't met Furiosa," she says, a little stiffly, trying to draw the conversation away from danger and death. She's so bad a this it's impossible to hide it, but she's trying. For him. "Tell me about her?"
What is Tommy to her, anyway? Not a lover, maybe a friend, and she can't even say they know nothing about each other anymore when he's told her about Grace, his family, his childhood. When he knows about her abandonment, about her abilities, about her loneliness. Even when she's trying to tell herself there's nothing there she can't and that makes it worse, in a way.
She can't run from what's already started, not when he's put his trust in her. It makes her uncomfortable, but there's nothing she can do about it except try to find a way to make it hurt less. Add to that the fact that she'd given him the chance to walk away and he had said no so plainly...
"I haven't met Furiosa," she says, a little stiffly, trying to draw the conversation away from danger and death. She's so bad a this it's impossible to hide it, but she's trying. For him. "Tell me about her?"
The breach is distant by now: it's been months, and those memories fade easily. He doesn't mind the question, but he can't say he minds the change of topic, either.
But he does notice it. That she's changing it because of him, for him. And he isn't quite sure whether it's a kindness or pity he doesn't need.
"You'd like her," he says, finally, looking up and conjuring up a smile. "She's the toughest woman I have ever met- and I've met some. She's from a dead world, but she didn't lose her heart there. She fights, and she drives trucks that aren't even possible in my world yet."
Honestly, she's one of the best friends he's ever had. There's no one like her anywhere, he's sure of it.
But he does notice it. That she's changing it because of him, for him. And he isn't quite sure whether it's a kindness or pity he doesn't need.
"You'd like her," he says, finally, looking up and conjuring up a smile. "She's the toughest woman I have ever met- and I've met some. She's from a dead world, but she didn't lose her heart there. She fights, and she drives trucks that aren't even possible in my world yet."
Honestly, she's one of the best friends he's ever had. There's no one like her anywhere, he's sure of it.
The smile is enough to make fighting through everything she's feeling worth it, just the knowledge that they've gotten to any place where he can do that makes fumbling through this worth it. She's able to relax a little, and by the time he's finished speaking she's just back to listening to him closely the way she does every time he tells her something new.
And... it's funny, the way she hears each thing about Furiosa and can find the same thing in herself. Tough, from a dead world, a fighter, sort of a pilot. She can kind of see now why Tommy would like her if those are the points of Furiosa that stick out in his mind enough that they're how he describes her.
"Remind me to show you Jakku in the Enclosure," she says, smiling a little herself. "I wonder if it's like her world."
And... it's funny, the way she hears each thing about Furiosa and can find the same thing in herself. Tough, from a dead world, a fighter, sort of a pilot. She can kind of see now why Tommy would like her if those are the points of Furiosa that stick out in his mind enough that they're how he describes her.
"Remind me to show you Jakku in the Enclosure," she says, smiling a little herself. "I wonder if it's like her world."
"If it's dry, and hot, and everyone fuckin' hates each other- then yes, it is." He twitches a little smile.
"It's where my inmate is from, too. And Max."
"Throw in every man for himself and yeah, that's Jakku."
She does not miss it.
"I'm starting to realize there are a lot of people on this ship I haven't met yet."
She does not miss it.
"I'm starting to realize there are a lot of people on this ship I haven't met yet."
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