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[He places the cups on the table and slides into the bench across from her, looking a little embarrassed, pleased and rueful all at once.]
Uh, well. Leia and I got along pretty good. [It feels a little strange to use her first name after only calling her 'your worship' or 'princess' when they were themselves, but now that feels strange too after getting so familiar with each other in the breach, plus having a kid together in the future.]
She might be mad about it though, who knows.
Uh, well. Leia and I got along pretty good. [It feels a little strange to use her first name after only calling her 'your worship' or 'princess' when they were themselves, but now that feels strange too after getting so familiar with each other in the breach, plus having a kid together in the future.]
She might be mad about it though, who knows.
[She doesn't answer straight away because she needs the time to really think about that, to try to twist her mind around the idea of the man that Tommy is now. Cold and mean and desperate for his son, but there had still been a part of him that had listened to her when she told him he needed to clean up, to eat. She had still been able to stop him from having panic attacks.
There's still a man under there that cares, she has to hold on to that hope.]
Time, I think what he needs the most is time without having to worry about how to get out of whatever mess he's in now.
There's still a man under there that cares, she has to hold on to that hope.]
Time, I think what he needs the most is time without having to worry about how to get out of whatever mess he's in now.
I doubt that she's mad that you got along. She might be embarrassed, but if she seems mad it's probably not really that.
[Speaking as someone who has found themselves lashing out because they don't know what to do with being made to feel a certain way. She doesn't know Leia very well, here or in the future, but to be married to Han Solo for as long as she has been Rey has to believe they understand each other on some level.
And, you know, that love probably plays a big role in overcoming the less appealing character traits the both of them have.]
[Speaking as someone who has found themselves lashing out because they don't know what to do with being made to feel a certain way. She doesn't know Leia very well, here or in the future, but to be married to Han Solo for as long as she has been Rey has to believe they understand each other on some level.
And, you know, that love probably plays a big role in overcoming the less appealing character traits the both of them have.]
[He looks unconvinced by that, scratching the back of his neck.] It was a little more than just getting along, actually.
[At his time-point, all the attraction was on his end and he's not yet unaware of any reciprocity on her part (or three years of denial, as the case may be).]
Just because we get married in the future, that doesn't mean she's gonna appreciate getting a... uh... jump start on it.
[At his time-point, all the attraction was on his end and he's not yet unaware of any reciprocity on her part (or three years of denial, as the case may be).]
Just because we get married in the future, that doesn't mean she's gonna appreciate getting a... uh... jump start on it.
Have you asked her that?
[That's not Rey saying the opposite is true, but Han just assuming Leia's feelings won't get him anywhere for so very many reasons.]
[That's not Rey saying the opposite is true, but Han just assuming Leia's feelings won't get him anywhere for so very many reasons.]
They don't intend to meet each other when they do. Tommy hasn't been avoiding her, but he hasn't exactly been trying to get close to her either. These days he doesn't much go into the library like he used to, or spend time in the common rooms.
Mostly he's up on deck, sitting on the desk chairs, and just thinking. He doesn't write things down because that's dangerous, so he's just chain smoking as he looks out into the darkness.
When Rey wanders onto the deck he looks up and notices her, but doesn't make any effort to try and get her to come over, or to avoid her.
Mostly he's up on deck, sitting on the desk chairs, and just thinking. He doesn't write things down because that's dangerous, so he's just chain smoking as he looks out into the darkness.
When Rey wanders onto the deck he looks up and notices her, but doesn't make any effort to try and get her to come over, or to avoid her.
She's been going about it in much the same way, honestly. He had as good as told her it was unlikely he would come to her for anything so she hadn't expected friendly chats, occasional visits for tea. After she hadn't heard a word from him about his room after she asked for it to be changed, it wasn't hard to take the hint.
But the thing about him being on the deck is that that's still where she goes to practice with her staff, and now that she's stopped listening cor him through the Force, she doesn't notice him there when he doesn't speak up.
He might recognize the drill she starts, slower to focus on strength and poise rather than brute force, but it's also the one he had found her doing years ago for him, months for her, when it had started to rain and he had been unable to stay away.
She gets through about a quarter of the moves before she turns and spots him. She goes still then, stares in surprise, and then lowers her staff. What now? They've seen each other, made eye contact. She ducks her head, weighs her choices, and finally her feet carry her forward.
"You look like you've been camped out here for awhile," she says, nodding at the cigarette butts littering the ground around him.
But the thing about him being on the deck is that that's still where she goes to practice with her staff, and now that she's stopped listening cor him through the Force, she doesn't notice him there when he doesn't speak up.
He might recognize the drill she starts, slower to focus on strength and poise rather than brute force, but it's also the one he had found her doing years ago for him, months for her, when it had started to rain and he had been unable to stay away.
She gets through about a quarter of the moves before she turns and spots him. She goes still then, stares in surprise, and then lowers her staff. What now? They've seen each other, made eye contact. She ducks her head, weighs her choices, and finally her feet carry her forward.
"You look like you've been camped out here for awhile," she says, nodding at the cigarette butts littering the ground around him.
"Better than being anywhere else," he says. Not good, but at least better than the crowded dining hall, or his anonymous, bare room.
"Don't stop on my account."
"Don't stop on my account."
"You sound like me when I first got here."
Which is... Well, she's not sure what, but at least it's familiar, something she knows how to handle. It feels so strange, though, knowing that somehow she is the social one now. His invitation to go on has her taking a few steps back, though, and she does just that.
She feels less anxious while she's moving, sliding through forms she's known since childhood.
"Have you started remembering everything now that you've been here awhile?"
Which is... Well, she's not sure what, but at least it's familiar, something she knows how to handle. It feels so strange, though, knowing that somehow she is the social one now. His invitation to go on has her taking a few steps back, though, and she does just that.
She feels less anxious while she's moving, sliding through forms she's known since childhood.
"Have you started remembering everything now that you've been here awhile?"
"Mostly, yes," he says, slowly, looking at her as she starts her movements back up.
"Not everything about the people I'd never met. I kept notes on most people, but I can't remember those."
"Not everything about the people I'd never met. I kept notes on most people, but I can't remember those."
The shirt she's wearing has no sleeves, shows the lines of the scars from the harpy that almost took her life, turned her into a monster that he spent weeks protecting, and she wonders if that falls under the category of mostly.
She wants to know if he remembers beaches and introducing her to Rosethorn and dancing with her in Lark's cabin, if he remembers Alfie telling her stories about their world.
If he remembers the lights going out in the Enclosure and her holding him and forcing herself to learn how to comfort someone by pulling on memories of the time they were in love.
"Are you still keeping notes?" She asks him instead, because all the rest is something she can never let out. "Adding to them, or changing them entirely?"
She wants to know if he remembers beaches and introducing her to Rosethorn and dancing with her in Lark's cabin, if he remembers Alfie telling her stories about their world.
If he remembers the lights going out in the Enclosure and her holding him and forcing herself to learn how to comfort someone by pulling on memories of the time they were in love.
"Are you still keeping notes?" She asks him instead, because all the rest is something she can never let out. "Adding to them, or changing them entirely?"
[That's fair enough, so Rey just nods.]
You could ask her to have dinner with you and then not bring up the breach at all. Then no one is talking about it, but you can still see if there's something there.
You could ask her to have dinner with you and then not bring up the breach at all. Then no one is talking about it, but you can still see if there's something there.
He does, in fact, remember all of that: he's remembered everything about her by now, the small details and the big events alike. But it doesn't feel for him like it feels for her. He doesn't think back on those memories with heartache; just as something else in his past that's gone now.
"No. I'm not keeping notes anymore." Not like that, anyway.
"No. I'm not keeping notes anymore." Not like that, anyway.
She isn't surprised. He strikes her as someone who does nothing he did before except smoke and drink too much, she can see that the world has done too much to him to allow him to go back to hobbies like that.
If keeping lists about people is a hobby. She wonders what had been on hers, if he had even kept any notes on her once they had gotten close, and with him like this she thinks there's a chance he might tell her.
"Would I have been in trouble if your collection got out? I could see people using my weakness for fruit against me."
If keeping lists about people is a hobby. She wonders what had been on hers, if he had even kept any notes on her once they had gotten close, and with him like this she thinks there's a chance he might tell her.
"Would I have been in trouble if your collection got out? I could see people using my weakness for fruit against me."
Yes it has.
[In enough ways that some days it feels like too much, and yet still the only choice is to press on. She can't even really tell Han it'll all end up alright, because it won't be that easy. He has such a troubling road ahead of him and if she gets her deal there's a happy ending there somewhere, but right now, at this second, his road ends with him dead.
But-]
I do know that you make each other happy. That can't be something that's only true during my time, it has to start somewhere.
[In enough ways that some days it feels like too much, and yet still the only choice is to press on. She can't even really tell Han it'll all end up alright, because it won't be that easy. He has such a troubling road ahead of him and if she gets her deal there's a happy ending there somewhere, but right now, at this second, his road ends with him dead.
But-]
I do know that you make each other happy. That can't be something that's only true during my time, it has to start somewhere.
For what feels like the first time that day, there's a little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth-- on him, these days, it looks painful. Awkward, like he's forgotten how to really laugh and can only manage these small things.
"I destroyed it, I think." He knows. "Told meself I'd just have to remember."
Well. He did a good job of that, didn't he?
"I destroyed it, I think." He knows. "Told meself I'd just have to remember."
Well. He did a good job of that, didn't he?
It doesn't matter that it looks so difficult, that it's something so very small compared to the way she's used to him smiling, used to the sound of his laughter. Even that painful tilt upwards feels like the sun coming out and for the first time since his return something like hope blooms in her chest.
It has nothing to do with her, or the relationship they had before he left. That hope is for him, that someday, with time, those smiles will come more easily.
None of that shows on her face in more than the way she seems to go a little lighter in turn, relax with him a little more, and her movements as she moves her staff around her body become more fluid.
"So all my secrets are safe, then. The rest of my life you'll be the only one who knows I eat horse treats instead of actually giving them out."
It has nothing to do with her, or the relationship they had before he left. That hope is for him, that someday, with time, those smiles will come more easily.
None of that shows on her face in more than the way she seems to go a little lighter in turn, relax with him a little more, and her movements as she moves her staff around her body become more fluid.
"So all my secrets are safe, then. The rest of my life you'll be the only one who knows I eat horse treats instead of actually giving them out."
He snorts and closes his eyes as he leans back in the desk chair, bringing his cigarette slowly up to his mouth.
"Not if you keep blurting it out in public."
"Not if you keep blurting it out in public."
"Yes, for all the millions of no one else here."
But he looks exhausted and this is more than she hoped for, them finding some easy ground between them instead of how tense they had both been in the Falcon. She thought it would always be like that, fighting to find a connection, and to most people this wouldn't be much, but not much is what Rey has known her entire life.
If he's relaxed enough to close his eyes in her presence, to just talk to her, it's more than enough. She goes through the forms in silence for a few more moments, but as she spins the staff between her hands she remembers something important, something others might have forgotten.
"Do you have any weapons, Tommy? Anything to defend yourself with?"
This is the Barge, after all.
But he looks exhausted and this is more than she hoped for, them finding some easy ground between them instead of how tense they had both been in the Falcon. She thought it would always be like that, fighting to find a connection, and to most people this wouldn't be much, but not much is what Rey has known her entire life.
If he's relaxed enough to close his eyes in her presence, to just talk to her, it's more than enough. She goes through the forms in silence for a few more moments, but as she spins the staff between her hands she remembers something important, something others might have forgotten.
"Do you have any weapons, Tommy? Anything to defend yourself with?"
This is the Barge, after all.
He keeps his eyes closed as he talks, as he smokes. It's less of a matter of comfort or relaxation than it is that he doesn't really care. He doubts anyone here is going to come out and kill him, and even if they did he'd just come right back. It's all so fucking futile.
"I don't," he replies. "He hid all of my weapons, didn't he?"
"I don't," he replies. "He hid all of my weapons, didn't he?"
Or they all disappeared when he left, the bowcaster and the blaster, and weren't returned when he came back. Either way, the ease with which he answers gives her an idea of what he'll say to her next question.
"Do you want one?"
"Do you want one?"
He cracks an eye open and lowers his cigarette, tapping the ash off the end of it.
"Are you going to give me one?"
"Are you going to give me one?"
"If you think you'll need one."
She doesn't know if he does think that, if he's secure with the idea of being a warden who returned an inmate. She doesn't what the mindset is here for so many of the people who call the Barge home, if Tommy will be a target because of the power he once held.
She does know that she doesn't want to find out one day that he's in the infirmary going through a death toll when she had the power to stop that from happening.
She doesn't know if he does think that, if he's secure with the idea of being a warden who returned an inmate. She doesn't what the mindset is here for so many of the people who call the Barge home, if Tommy will be a target because of the power he once held.
She does know that she doesn't want to find out one day that he's in the infirmary going through a death toll when she had the power to stop that from happening.
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